Kometa!

Dark as winter

2011-08-26T15:36:00.005-04:00

This will probably be my last post on the topic this weekend. Up next is Speed Jaxon a two fisted tough guy adventurer created by Pol Curi for the Chicago Defender. Thanks go out to the former curator of Thrilling Adventures who is now at Barnacle Press. Barnacle is yet another useful newspaper strip archive.

No Wikipedians were harmed during the construction of this article.

.nooM kcalB a rednu ylsseldnuos gnillaf wonS

An unnecessary freezing of water

2011-08-26T15:09:00.003-04:00

This post is about Jackie Ormes' first and most famous creation Torchy Brown who debuted in the strip Torchy Brown in "Dixie to Harlem". The strip ran in the Pittsburgh Courier from 1937 to 1938. The character returner in 1950's Torchy in Heartbeats which Ormes produced for the Chicago Defender, and ran successfully until 1954.

No Wikipedians were crushed, spindled and/or mutilated during the construction of this article.

And now my mind is playing tricks on me.

Snowmen fall from heaven

2011-08-26T14:44:00.004-04:00

Continuing my little features on the black pulps, still mostly images wrapped with text that I'll throw up whenever I stumble across something new. Post one was here, and post two is here (or see post previous). The Guy Fortune comic strip by cartoonist Edd Ashe appeared in the weekly Pittsburgh Courier, and ran from ran from August 1950 through October 1955. Thanks again to the curators of the Stripper's Guide and more.

It's up to you, The Choice Is Yours.

The winter of our first experiments

2011-08-26T10:34:00.010-04:00

Just slipping in a small update on "black pulps" from the 20's, 30's and 40's. I found some great color images that I'd like to share. These strips were run by the Smith-Mann newspaper syndicate, in papers like the Pittsburgh Courier and the Chicago Defender. I originally covered this topic back in an article titled The space above the snow from 2009.

Thanks go out to Alan Holz and Alex Jay of the Stripper's Guide.
.

No Wikipedians were harmed during the construction of this article.

It's the code of the streets.

Metaphile one

2011-06-10T18:55:00.023-04:00

This whole series was originally going to be released under a much heavier title “The Outsider Heresy: An analysis of Race and Bias in DC Comics”. But as is always the case I got distracted, and after coming back to the thing repeatedly over a two year period I finally realized that 1. I don’t have the tools to do a title like that justice. and 2. that title is way too involved and adult for the half-baked juvenile rubbishy scribblings that I vomit across these pasteboards on a semi-irregular basis.

If all you read was DC Comics published from 2000 to 2010 you’d come to think there were probably no cities, or any advanced technology in its fictional cartoonishly stereotypical rendition of Africa.

The African country with the most appearances in DC Comics titles is Egypt, located in Northern Africa. The Democratic Republic of the Congo, located in Central Africa has appeared the most in DC Comics titles. Capital is Brazzaville and it also has several developed cities, none of which you ever saw in a DC comic book of the past. Third most appearances is South Africa.

The visual shorthand of spears, grass skirts, zebras, and huts is very easy for a writer to convey to an artist, and their readers. It’s also a lazy, outdated, and ugly, imperialist trope. Why is it that modern, developed African cities have only appeared in DC Comics titles written by John Ostrander, Gail Simone, or Judd Winick?

This all feels like apocrypha now that we have the relaunch, reboot, rejigger, whatever on the horizon.

1930

Capetown, South Africa - Zatara (Giovanni Zatara) investigates a theft at a Zulu diamond mine. Action Comics vol. 1 #7 (December 1938)

Egypt - Homeland of Nabu, Khalis, Prince Khufu Kha-Tar, Chay-Arra, Hath-Set, the Gods of Egypt. More Fun Comics #67 (May 1941)

1940

Benghazi, Libya - Private Achmed - Sudanese Camel Corps. Military Comics #1 (August 1941)

Democratic Republic of the Congo - Homeland of Congo Bill (William Glenmorgan), Kwami (police captain). More Fun Comics #56 (June 1940)

Kahndaq, North Africa - Homeland of Black Adam. The Marvel Family #1 (December 1945)

1950

Democratic Republic of the Congo - Homeland of Janu the Jungle Boy. Action Comics #191 (April 1954)

Gorilla City - Homeland of King Solovar, Gorilla Grodd. The Flash vol. 1 #106 (August 1959)
House of Masks - "The Super Tales of Lana Lang" Superboy vol. 1 #60 (October 1957)

1960

Democratic Republic of the Congo - Homeland of Congorilla. More Fun Comics #56 (June 1940)
Ma-Phoor, Ethiopia - Hidden valley in Ethiopia ruled by an immortal white Queen named Jezeba, Metamorpho #16 (February 1968)
Maxwell Tremaine’s Junkyard - Undisclosed location in Africa, ex-Nazi Tremaine lived in a pile of discarded high tech weaponry and alien superweapons. Brave and the Bold #58 (March 1965)
Red Forest, Central Africa- Mysterious location in central africa. Home of a giant amoeba like creature called the “Ooze”. Challengers of the Unknown #38 (June 1964)

Tanzania - Mount Kilimanjaro, East Africa is the home of DC's Tarzan, the execrable B'wana Beast (Mike Maxwell). Showcase #96 (February 1967)

Upper Lumumba - Beast Boy born in Medikwe Game Preserve adopted by African King. Doom Patrol vol. 1 #99 (November 1965)

1970
Kinshoro - The "fanged spectres of Kinshoro". Ghosts vol. 1 #4 (April 1972)

Kor - Home of the Homo-Magi magician Doctor Mist (Emperor Nommo). Super Friends #12 (June 1978).
Little Africa - A black community in Metropolis, from Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane #106 (November 1970)

Marzal - Home of Tyroc from the Legion of Super-Heroes. Superboy #216 (April 1978)

Nairobi, Kenya - Source of the werehyena curse that created the "Hyenas" Summer Day and Doctor Jivan Shi. Firestorm the Nuclear Man #4 (September 1978)

Oranga - African nation ruled by despot Ada Baba, capital city is Harar, from Superman Family #186 (November 1977)

South Africa - Johannesburg is the home of Impala. Super Friends #7 (October 1977)

Sudan, Northern Sudan - Phantom Stranger discovers a glowing pyramid with a strange computer control room within being used by Tannarak. The pyramid was apparently destroyed by a self destruct system. Phantom Stranger vol. 1 #10 (February 1971)

Slaughter Island – Floating island home of Nubia. Mars created this island off the west coast of Africa. He populated it with men from Sub-Sarahan Africa. He encouraged the men to fight one another in order to prove themselves worthy of Nubia. Wonder Woman vol. 1 204 (February 1973)

1980

Bana-Mighdall, Egypt - Undisclosed location in Egypt, North Africa, Wonder Woman vol. 2 #29 (April 1989)
Bialya, North Africa - Former ruler the Queen Bee. Justice League International #16 (August 1988)

Cote de Ivoire - Home of Invisible Kid (Jacques Foccart) and his sister Computo II (Danielle Foccart). Legion of Super-Heroes vol. 2 Annual #1 (1982)

Ogaden, East Africa - Home of Jama an African man who temporarily merged with the Firestorm Matrix. Firestorm the Nuclear Man #78 (November 1988)

South Africa - Hal Jordan decides to steal some diamonds from a disreputable South African diamond mine. Action Comics Weekly #601 (May 1988) Nelson Mandutu appears in Teen Titans Spotlight vol. 1 #11 (August 1986). Freedom Beast (Dominic Mndawe) debuts. Animal Man #13 (July 1989)
South Nambia - Fictitious South African nation, John Stewart. Green Lantern Special #1 (1988)

Zambesi, Michenga Province - Home of Vixen (Mari McCabe) and her tutelary deity Kwaku Anansi. Action Comics #521 (July 1981)

1990

Cameroon - Homeland of the metahuman Ndoki (Charles Ndoki). S.T.A.R. Corps #3 (January 1994)

Chad - Homeland of Mohammed Ibn Bornu, member of the Cadre of the Immortal, Justice League International vol. 1 #63 (April 1994)

Egypt - Homeland of Osiris II, member of the Cadre of the Immortal. Justice League International vol. 1 #63 (April 1994)

Ife - Home dimension of the Orishas, the pantheon to which Shango belongs. Firestorm, the Nuclear Man vol. 1 #97 (May 1990)

Nigeria - Earthly home of Shango and his brother Obatalla of the Wite Cloth (Doctor Efraim Ngai). Firestorm, the Nuclear Man vol. 1 #97 (May 1990)

Valley of the Daals - Green skinned hybrid alien barbarian women from JLA Task Force vol. 1 #7 (December 1993)

2000

Democratic Republic of the Congo - Gog’s head found in a cave. Apparently a large group of Africans go traipsing across the continent following Gog, and never oncce run into an actual city. Justice Society of America vol. 3 #12 (March 2008)
Gorilla City - Homeland of King Nnamndi. Flash vol. 2 #194 (March 2003)

Kahndaq - Homeland of Isis (Adrianna Tomaz) and her brother Osiris (Amon Tomaz). 52 Week Three (May 2006)
Kalahari Desert - Location of the Herero Tribe, protectors of the location of the Tree of Knowledge. Swamp Thing vol. 3 #19
Kenya - General Haile Selaisse Frelimo. Speaking as a man of Jamaican descent and not even as an Ethiopian, this is a horribly offensive name, but hey it sounds African right? Power Company: Manhunter #1 (March 2002)

Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of the Congo - Africa’s third largest city, destroyed by Gorilla Grodd and Neh-Buh-Loh. Many citizens eaten by Grodd. Final resting place of the flying city of Superbia. JLA Classified #1 (January 2005). Barbelith Seven Soldiers index.

Limpopo, South Africa - Where the Herdsman appears. Breach #9 (November 2005)

Mali - Ruled by Ratin Bennin, Thunder (Anissa Pierce) went undercover caused his death, Outsiders vol. 3 #34 (April 2006)

Nabeul, Tunisia - Kyle Rayner visits her in Green Lantern Annual vol. 3 #9 (September 2000)
New Feithera - Section of Kahndaq allocated for the use of Northwind (Norda Cantrell) and his people the Feitherans. JSA #56 (March 2004)
Nyasir - Capital city Buranda, Superman meets a young white Christian fanatic with possibly metahuman powers called Redemption (Jarod Dale), whose powers actually come from a metahuman minister named Matthews Hightower. Action Comics #848 (May 2007)

Okavango Swamp, Botswana - The Tree of Knowledge is located in Africa by Tefe Holland. Swamp Thing vol. 3 #20 (December 2001)

Omdurman, Sudan - Where Magog rescues armless and braindead black slaves who act as pack mules for bad bad men. Magog #1 (November 2009)

Somalia - Group of Somalian Pirates are depicted as pedophiles and white slavers, instead of starving disenfranchised wretched fisherman who started out trying to defend their waters from Chinese and Russian fishing ships, and illegal toxic dumps from Western Europe. Confronted by Aquaman and Mera. Brightest Day #1 (May 2010).

South Africa - Home of Kid Impala. JLA Classified vol. 1 #2 (February 2005)

Tenasha, Democratic Republic of the Congo - Home of Batwing (David Zavimbi), a member of Batman Incorporated. Batman Inc. #5 (March 2011)

Tunis, Tunisia - Istar (Sala Nisaba), Mesopotamian Gods, Kernugi. Green Lantern Annual vol. 3 #9 (September 2000)

Uganda - Unknown Soldier IV (Moses Lwanga) a former doctor. Unknown Soldier #1 (December 2008)

Obscuralia twelve

2011-05-10T21:57:00.004-04:00

And we are back, Obscuralia twelve focuses on a little known DCU character named Marcus Locke from Secrets of Haunted House #45 (February 1982) in a story titled "Passing of the Power".

Marcus inherits great power and responsibility from his dying father in the form of a cosmic or possibly magical brassard.

Marcus is scrawny, Steve Rogers pre Vita-Ray scrawny. And seriously Marcus, growing up in New York, I learned that you keep the weird shit indoors. So maybe you try that on in the safety of your bedroom first?

Suddenly Marcus is magically transformed into a poorcopy of He-Man of Eternia. Or better yet Bo-Starr of Galastrom.

And that's all folks. Marcus Locke never re-appeared. If this was a Marvel title he'd already have a brace of stories under his belt. But this is DC Comics, so Marcus Locke will most likely be ignored and forgotten, until he eventually ends up in a Public Domain rubbish tip.

The most universal quality

2011-01-14T17:07:00.009-05:00

I wanted to highlight this commentary by netizen 4PointOh in his response on Newsarama. That post is a response to "2011's Hot Buttons p.4: Superhero Diversity" an article by Newsarama contributor Vaneta Rogers.

Re: 2011's Hot Buttons p.4: SUPERHERO DIVERSITY
by 4PointOh » Thu Jan 13, 2011 6:49 pm

This article lets the industry, especially DC Comics, off the hook in ways too numerous to mention. Newsarama was obviously trying to bring attention to a problem that has plagued the comic book industry since its inception without actually offending the prime movers and shakers.

As a group (not as individuals), white heterosexual men are the most perplexing creatures on the planet to me. They seem to be the only group almost always incapable of buying into any form of media unless theirs is either the dominant or exclusive image contained therein. They seem hypersensitive to and threatened by the very idea of including “the Other.” For them, if the Other must be included (and it's always regarded as some sort of intrusion), then the Other has to meet some arbitrary, but rigorous inclusion standards: The Other cannot be a replacement/legacy character for some previously beloved white character; the Other cannot be placed in the media as a part of some attempt at political correctness, tokenism, or diversity; the Other cannot be more competent or more central than the white character, etc, etc, etc. And even when the Otherized character meets the ridiculous standards—standards that, by the way, the white male characters rarely, if ever, have to meet: The white guys automatically belong; everyone else needs a reason to be there—it's still more likely than not that the character will not receive the support of the white male audience.

From the creators' end, the Otherized characters almost always embrace some sort of stereotypical trope including, but not limited to: For black characters, if there's not a full-faced mask, then there's some animal theme or some contrivance to make them “less black” (Storm's white hair and blue eyes, for example); for female characters, either her tits or her ass have to be a central feature (sometimes, both at the same time); for gay characters, sexuality of any kind can be expressed only if it's the kind that white heterosexual men like: namely, “hot lesbian sex.”

And most of the time, creators don't do anything innovative, imaginative, or subversive with those stereotypes (unlike the brilliant twist in the Walking Dead television episode “Vatos”). Nope. Generally, it's the same tired racist, sexist and homophobic tropes, only they don't want you to call it racist, sexist or homophobic. Pointing those things out will only force creators to become defensive and evoke the conservation ender: “No matter what we do, you're going to find fault with it. You'll never be happy, so why should we try to do anything in this regard? That’s why we keep everything so white and male: because you’re so sensitive about it all, we feel it’s the safest route to take. So, see? It’s actually your fault.” That, of course, is just a specious argument designed to hide their profound lack of imagination, talent and creativity—and perhaps their own racist, sexist, and homophobic tendencies.

Instead of you looking for and finding fault with them, they want you to just be grateful that they deigned to include the Other in the first place. They want you to thank them for at least trying.

Which, of course, BEGS the question: Trying to do what exactly?

My Dad is Li Gang!

2011-01-07T16:58:00.006-05:00

Reposting this from elsewhere, it is my last word on the Mark Twain issue. I chalk up the stupidity I saw on display in that elsewhere place, from people of letters whom I heretofore respected greatly, to that outsized sense of entitlement certain segments of American society seem to be born and raised into. Compounded by years of living in that fucking reality distortion field.

As one of the actual persons of color who use this forum, I have no problem with this book being censored. Though I would have preferred they used "negro" instead of "slave".

I've been noticing a trend on forums where this topic is discussed, of certain people painting this move with the brush of political correctness. Let me explain something to you, as a black man the word NIGGER, the word that doesn't mean anything to many of you because you've never had it thrown in your faces by an ignorant bigot. It is an ugly word, given weight by centuries of murder and enslavement. Often that word was very the last thing a black man heard before he was lynched, that means they put a rope around his neck and hung him from a tree until he suffocated. And they did this because we were not considered human, and that word was part of the process of dehumanization.

I also always love it when someone in the back of the room mentions that "a certain urban subset of black people have reclaimed that word, so it can't be all that bad".

I'd rather not see the word in my literature, I'd rather my nephew not have to see the word. That is of course, an opinion, my opinion. And you are entitled to your own opinions, no matter how wrong headed, distasteful or ignorant the opinions you express may seem to me.

Obscuralia eleven

2010-11-28T15:58:00.019-05:00

Well, well, well Elevensies! Obscuralia eleven will contain more than the standard daily allowance of anti-heroes. And at least one neverwas character. The archives are still shattered and I'm not even sure that updating the template will fix them. The data is still there but Blogger seems to have an article length limit, anything over a set amount causes it to spazz out. So you'll have to navigate by month when looking for older Bonvillains and Obscuralia entries. All other tags with normal sized articles seem to work just fine.

Ultra-Man appears in "The Last Earth Prime Story" by Elliot S. Maggin from Superman #411 (September 1985). Ultra-Man is a metafictional creation of Earth Prime's Julius Schwartz.

Here is his probable origin according to the Earth 411 profile page.

K'al L, last son of Mars was sent to Earth as an infant after a plague claimed his homeworld. His only vulnerability is fire. His secret identity is John Jones, a reporter for the Metropolis Daily Star.

Sgt. Gorilla was a gorilla in fatigues, with a machine gun, who killed Nazis and saluted the American flag in Star-Spangled War Stories #126 (May 1966). None of this should surprise you, because we all know the Nazis had an entire group of Nazi Gorillas called the Primate Platoon (Das Primate Patrol) from Weird War Tales #89 (July 1980).

Colonel Future has one of my all time favorite costumes and names. I always felt that he should have been DCU Canada's answer to Captain America, at least he would have stood out there. Colonel Future had the power to see the future whenever his life was put in danger. His one and only appearance was in Superman vol. 1 #378 (December 1982).

Jason Todd isn't really an obscure character. But this version of Jason in this costume is. I don't think this costume is that widely known and it was always one of my favorites. This is the redheaded pre-Crisis Jason Todd, wearing his very first costume, from Detective Comics vol. 1 #526 (May 1983).

Karma or Wayne Hawkins was the very definition of a flawed hero, and one of the cannon fodder teens from Paul Kupperberg's great Doom Patrol run. Here he is wearing his best costume on the mission that claimed the lives of Scott Fischer and Celsius during the Crisis on Infinite Earths. Karma debuted in Doom Patrol Vol 2 #4 (January 1988), and died horribly in Suicide Squad vol. 1 #58 (October 1991).

Astralad was Joseph P. Silver, actually he was a combination of two Joes. Astralad's powers came from a future Joe Silver who astrally projected his consciousness back in time in order to possess and empower his younger self. So basically Joe created Project Trackback, and invented Astral Projection, all so that his teenage self could be popular and impress the girls. Astralad debuted in New Adventures of Superboy #3 (March 1980).

Yellow Peri is a little obscure. But her pal Gazook the 5th Dimensional Imp is even more obscure. Like Mister Genie he's one of the Imps no one talks about. Gazook usually takes the form of a strange teddy bear. The Yellow Peri and Gazook debut in The New Adventures of Superboy #34 (October 1982).

Dyna-Mind is Johnny Weber, and I saw him as a traditional Superboy foil right up until Gazook made a cameo. Now either that appearance by Gazook was a shoutout by the artist, or Gazook was responsible for Dyna-Mind. That could transition Gazook into Superboy's very own Mister Mxyzptlk. Anyway, Dyna-Mind and Superboy tussle and eventually Johnny reforms. As seen in New Adventures of Superboy #42 (June 1983). Johnny later returns and uses up the last of his psionic energy saving Superboy from a dimension traveling magic based villain known as Turlock the Berserker in New Adventures of Superboy #49 (January 1984).

Mind-Grabber Kid, Lucian Crawley has an unfortunate name but great powers. The problem is that because of Marvel Comics, the boffins at DC Comic tends to avoid using telepaths, or magnetically powered characters. And in order to differentiate their "special characters" from the Marvel mutant of the week, those gifted with psionic, magnetic or shadow based powers tend to be mentally unstable. I can see MGK forming a new Forgotten Heroes with the Yellow Peri, Super-Chief, Colonel Future, Resurrection Man, and Sonik (yeah bitches i said sonik!). Mind-Grabber Kid debuted in Justice League of America vol. 1 #70 (March 1969).

Pulsar is Robert "Bobby" Altus Junior, son of Robert Altus Senior. One of the earliest entries on this blog was Bonvillains Three where I covered the black supervillain known as Pulsar, and if his story had ended differently this Pulsar would have had his very own Bonvillains entry.

The Altus family desired the creation of a generational superhuman protector of Earth. And while Pulsar was powerful he was not Superboy's equal, so his father used Red Sun radiation to weaken Superboy enough for an even battle between them. Eventually Pulsar is talked over to the side of the angels, and he is a rarity among Superboy's enemies in that he retains his powers at the conclusion of a story. You know unlike the very Japanese Sunburst who was hypnotized into forgetting how to use his special abilities by Superboy. Pulsar's one and only appearance was in New Adventures of Superboy #31 (July 1982).

Hook is Kieron Masterson one of the few New Bloods to survive the continuing Geoff Johns led purge of all characters created in the nineteen-nineties. He's a guy with a hook hand made from Green Lantern style energy plasma. What's to hate? The Hook debuted in Green Arrow Annual vol. 2 #6 (1993).

InterC.E.P.T. is an interdimensional (possibly multiversal) hero team that debuted in the Superboy and the Ravers title. Ugh I hatelove this idea. InterC.E.P.T. debuted in Superboy and the Ravers #1 (September 1996).

Kit Colby "Girl Sheriff" protected the town of Moonbow. And like John Hawk the Half-Breed from Obscuralia Six, she hasn't ever shown up in any of the western character crossovers (because Kit's adventures took place in the 1950's). When was the last time you saw a Jonah Hex, John Hawk and Kit Colby teamup? Yeah I know Kit Colby's adventures took place in the 1950's, but I think she would be a lot more interesting in the 19th century. Kit Colby debuted in Jimmy Wakely #10 (March 1951).

Triumph was William McIntyre a retconned Superman style hero similar to Sentry and the Blue Marvel. I understand and accept why Triumph won't be back. He had a good comic book death under the pen of Grant Morrison. What I'd like to see is that death moved forwards, with a play on Captain Triumph a golden age character named Lance Gallant who was empowered by the ghost of his dead twin brother Michael. I'd like DC to either introduce William McIntyre's twin brother, or a Rick Jones style character who summons Triumph's ghost to empower themselves. Triumph debuted in Justice League America vol. 1 #91 (September 1994).

The Redeemer is Torkan, a neverwas character created by Joe Kubert. A christlike immortal destined for continuous rebirth, and eternal conflict with the minions of his ageless nemesis the Infernal One. (honestly, who uses the word "minions" nowadays?) Redeemer had a twelve page preview in Amazing Heroes #34 (November 1983). A shorter two page solicitation preview appears in Amazing Heroes #39 (January 1984).

Two amazing panels (joined in photoshop) of Joe Kubert art from the Redeemer preview published in Amazing Heroes #34 (November 1983).

No Wikipedians were harmed during the construction of this article.

Long notions

2010-11-28T12:17:00.000-05:00

Here's a story from October that I totally missed. I've been following the Notion Ink Adam's much delayed progress from the day it was first announced. And I've also had great and foolish hopes for the success of Longbox Digital as a sensible digital distribution platform for comic books. Yet I totally seem to have missed the story of a potentially huge partnership between Longbox and the cockteases who run Notion Ink.

Two longshots coming together like Voltron. Maybe. Many technophiles will will clog the intertubes with ejism when the Adam becomes available for pre-order.

Its ever-receding nature

2010-10-22T17:31:00.006-04:00

Because no one at DC Comics ever took the time to list the appearances of every alien race they have ever published, or the first appearances of teleportation technology and time travel on Earth. Or even find out who on Earth is responsible for creating teleportation technology, there are gaps in the knowledge. And the longer they wait to codify their little fictional universe, they larger the gaps will get.

DC Comics creators cannot even agree on whether or not Superman can fly faster than the speed of light. (we won't get into the hows and what the fucks of intragalaxy and interstellar navigation by an organic humanoid)

Reposting this from my original consecutive entries in a thread here on the Newsarama forums. With just one spelling correction multiplay has been changed to multiply, and the word way has been added.

The topic that started it all.

Gargoylehulk

Here's a hypothetical scenario. If no one held back and Everybody went all out, especially Superman. How many DC Heroes would it take to Superman out for good, down for the final count,put six feet under, deader than a doorknob. Everybody is playing for keeps. Sentimentality gets thrown out the window. It is Kill or Be Killed.As many Heroes as it Has to, to dogpile on Supes. There will be no one on one fights here. It is Every DC Heroe going all out to end the Kryptonian. And how many DC Heroes does Superman take out before he is taken out?

My initial response. Sadly I have done too.

Xero

Answering your original question. I have given this a lot of thought over the years.

Everyone. Superman would easily kill everyone, even if they knew he'd become a sociopath. Superman could kill everyone on Earth, meta, homo magi and normal in about four minutes. Superman can fly unaided in space at faster than light speeds, he's also able to somehow navigate in that vacuum with unerring accuracy.
All he has to do is fly up to one light year away from Earth and then fly straight back, even travelling at .99 the speed of light he turns himself into a living Relativistic Kill Vehicle. A 1kg mass traveling at 99% of the speed of light would have a kinetic energy of 5.47×10¹⁷ joules. In explosive terms, it would be equal to 132 megatons of TNT. The average American male's weight is somewhere between 76 to 84 kilograms. So just multiply those estimates by your guess as to Superman's probable weight.
If he does that three or four times there won't be anything left but radiation, bacteria, ash and steam.
------------------------------------------------------------
P.S.
By the time you've realized that someone has fired a relativistic weapon at you, it's already too late, you're basically only seeing where they were, not where they are.

Achilles100 decides to chime in.

Achilles100

Er, no, Superman can't fly at faster than light speeds, he can't fly at light speed. At least according to Kurt Busiek. Though if you want to go with Silver Age Superman...

My initial response to Achilles100.

Xero

Yes actually he can, as he's been depicted it's the only way he can fly between planets as quickly as he does.

My way more detailed, overblown nerdrage response to Achilles100.

Xero

Some facts for you.

Alpha Centauri, former star system of the planet Rann home of Adam Strange is 4.37 light years away. Superman flew there from Earth and back again, in one day.
Vega, home star system of the Omega Men is 25.3 light years away from Earth. If Superman ever flew there under his own power and returned in less than a week he's capable of FTL speeds.
Polaris, home star system of Thanagar and new home of Rannagar is 430 light years away from Earth. If Superman ever flew there under his own power and returned in less than a week he's capable of Ridiculous speeds.
Antares, home star system of Hyathis and Kanjar Ro is 600 light years away. If Superman ever flew there under his own power and returned in less than a week he's capable of Ludicrous speeds.
The Andromeda Galaxy, home of Krypton which is Superman's birthplace is 2.5 million light years away. If Superman ever flew there under his own power and returned in less than a week he's capable of going Plaid.

Now how many DC Comics Editors or writers know enough about the fictional universe they work in to even follow that response? How many even care? Well I also ask myself why should they, they operate in a shrinking market and it may not be worth it for them to try and play catch up with Marvel Comics at this point.

Truthfully though, Marvel has this shit locked down, no one does it better than them. They even iterate on and evolve existing in-universe technologies. Amazing. I love that about those guys. Look at this list of Doctor Doom's devices on Wikipedia. The items on that list can easily be verified because Marvel also keeps track of them. That's finger lickin' good infoporn and I live for tasty dullskuggery like that.

No Wikipedians were harmed during the construction of this article.

Lincoln Green

2010-10-17T13:34:00.011-04:00

Look what I found while digging through my DVD archives, Lincoln Green the toon I created for Champions Online. Ah yes Lincoln Green, a great character wasted on a very very bad game. I'll try to find my old City of Heroes and City of Villains toons, I know that I definitely archived a ton of pics from those games.

The most interesting discovery I made while playing these games, was the fact that I more readily identified with the gray morality of supervillains and mad scientists, than I did with the cookie cutter morality of a superhero. In fact I don't think I've ever been able to identify with superheroes, I like seeing myself culturally mirrored in minority superheroes, but that's about it. Interestingly enough, most of the best written minority characters in comics tend to be villains.

David Brothers from 4thletter! has an interesting post on the subject of Superhero morality here.

Jim Kelly is The Man from DRAGON.

Obscuralia ten

2010-10-16T11:35:00.052-04:00

This is a quickie, and much shorter than the previous overlong entries that seem to have shattered Blogger's archives section. I'm not feeling the DCU Africa article right now, and I think it's going to be perpetually delayed until I figure out what's missing.

Blackwing is Charles "Charlie" Bullock, and he is/was/maybe the black Batman. Charlie was a lawyer who originally appeared on Earth 2 and was trained by Ted Grant. Charlie was a supporting character in the Huntress backup feature, and I'd love to see him turn up in Grant Morrison's Multiversity. Blackwing debuted in Wonder Woman #297 (November 1982).

The Justice Alliance of America, residents of Earth D for diversity, were introduced in Legends of the DC Universe: Crisis on Infinite Earths special (February 1999). I've participated in quite a few "Black JLA" team building exercises over the years, but in the end I think the JAA might be a much better way to approach the problem.

The Wildcats were Metropolis' pro-active answer to Curtis Sliwa's Guardian Angels. Except that the Wildcats have had training in military tactics, aerial combat, and martial arts. They also use Kryptonian flight packs to get around. The group was led by Sonny Chibwa, and as far as I can tell, they all disappeared into Limbo after this storyline. The Wildcats debuted in Action Comics vol. 1 #548 (October 1983).

Xenobrood by Doug Moench and Tomm Coker has been one of the toughest reads I've ever had to endure, and one of the few builds that just never came together. I've read through the entire series three times, and it is so godawful in parts, and racially insensitive in other parts, that I just don't like the fucking book. The Xenobroodlings debuted in Xenobrood #0 (October 1994). Remember me mentioning the Strange Brood in Obscuralia four, and DC's continuing attempts to scratch that X-Men sized itch? Well they did it wrong here.

Bloodwynd is one of my favorite neglected fictional minority heroes. And even after DC Comics' recent scramble to appear racially balanced, he's still being ignored. He's one of two black male magic users published by DC Comics, the other being Doctor Mist. The main problem with Bloodwynd is that he's possessed of the gray morality typical to Marvel Comics characters, and this clashes with the black and white 1950's era morality of the DC Comics universe. He debuted in Justice League of America #76 (July 1993).

Doctor Mist is a favorite punching bag of DC editorial. He is the other black male magic user at DC. As for black females and the magicking, well there's Empress and that's pretty much it. We can't really count Conjura (see obscuralia eight) as a black magic user because she's had no in continuity appearances. First they depowered him, because the idea of an immortal all powerful black superhero seems to have terrified someone. Then they mad him fall in love with Zatanna and admit that his fantastic origin was all a lie to impress the ladies. And then they killed him off, the immortal guy. Did him in twice and salted the earth. DC sucks when they openly wear their racism. You know what, I prefer to believe the origin where this guy picked up a fucking country and threw it at someone. Doctor Mist debuted in Super Friends #12 (June 1978).

Onyx wearing one of the best "comic book" costumes ever created. Certainly not the shallow bald headed freak version we are currently subjected to. Onyx debuted in Detective Comics #546 (January 1985). Strangely enough the original Onyx has appeared in modern DCU continuity. She had a forgotten cameo in Wonder Woman vol. 2 #175 (December 2001). So with two conflicting versions of Onyx running around the place, there's obvious story potential waiting in the wings.

Captain Thunder III is Willie Fawcett a neverwas character. I'm assuming that this Willie Fawcett would have inherited the same origin and powers as Captain Thunders I and II both of whom were empowered by a magical Native American belt. In 1983 Roy Thomas and Don Newton proposed a re-launch of the Shazam! series featuring Captain Thunder a black Captain Marvel. The new Shazam! book was never greenlit by DC. Brian Cronin's Comic Book Urban Legends Revealed #99 covered the entire story.

The Law by Steven Grant and Max Fiumara is one of DC's neverwas characters. An interesting idea for a "super policeman" that never went anywhere. The character was revealed in CBR: Permanent Damage Issue #33 (May 2002).

Pandora Pann, by Len Wein and Ross Andru is another neverwas character. Pandora Pann was first revealed in The Comic Reader #197 (December 1981). Promotional art from the preview debuted in The Comic Reader #201 (April 1982). Pandora unwittingly opens Pandora's box and spends the rest of her time trying to retrieve the evil she has unleashed. Pandora Pann was set to debut in Swamp Thing vol. 1 #5 (September 1982).

No Wikipedians were harmed during the construction of this article.

Props to Tokyo Hackerspace's Akiba and his video tour of Akihabara.

Digital Negro 2.0

2010-09-23T20:58:00.005-04:00

Looks like this old house is long overdue for an update. The site needs a total refresh, new logo, new template, new favicon, and new design. Things are probably going to get ugly over the next month while I tweak things. I might actually have to break out the pencils and physically draw something for the first time in ten years. I am convinced that Art School was a complete and total waste of my time. Four years of my life I could have better applied to a Computer Science degree. Having educators tell you that it would be shameful to waste your talent, well it kinda sucks when all you ever wanted, was to be a carpenter like your father.

Well that was disturbing. And this fucking programme was on the air until 1978. And then, after a somewhat late yet sensible cancellation, these lovely fuckers successfully performed a stage show up until 1987. That's just special.

Protect and Survive

2010-09-15T17:54:00.008-04:00

Probably one of the best social commentary music videos from my childhood, courtesy of Frankie Goes To Hollywood. It's weird that even after all these years I still experience twinges of 80's style nuclear panic when I hear that fucking air raid siren.

Remember kids, Protect and Survive.

I just realized something, in a world where superheroes exist, you'd probably have had the equivalent of the Protect and Survive videos for those times when Galactus showed up, or the sky turned red.

54-46 Was My Number

2010-09-01T08:27:00.012-04:00

Been going through the stacks of vinyl I inherited from my father, and lo there was Toots and The Maytals. I never realized how old and rare a lot of the vinyl I had was, until I dug into the crates this weekend. I know old books, I had a lot of old rare books back in New York before the move to Philly, and I miss those fucking books. I lost four entire bookcases to the move. And I miss those fucking books, I miss that slightly musty slightly nutmeg non-chemical smell, the easy familiar weight of a book you've read and treasured, the slightly yellowed paper, their irregular sizes, and the meaty covers that just seem to balance the weight of an older book's clothy pages perfectly.

Anyway, It's been ten years since I've really looked at some of this vinyl. And yeah I've got a lot of semi-old Jazz and Blues albums, and my blues collection is a lot poorer since I sold my .78s. But within the Reggae, Ska and Rock Steady stacks I have, well there's some crazy shit in there, at least I think it is. An old West Indies Record company .45 recording of Bob Marley and the Wailers' Nice Time, a Treasure Isle recording of Saboo by Tommy McCook and the Supersonics, A Dynamic Sounds .45 of The Harder They Come by Jimmy Cliff, an R&B Discs Ltd. of London .45 recording of Lonesome Feelings by Bob Marley & the Wailers. Jamaican recording companies I have never heard of like Doctor Bird, Unart Music, and Federal Record manufacturing. LPs with songs I heard so many times growing up like Oh! Carolina, Ba-Ba-Boom Time, Release Me, Jamaica Ska, 54-46, If You Act This Way, Monkey Man, Up Town Top Ranking, Shocks of a mighty, Singer Man, and Money can't buy life.

Fuck I'm just buried in nostalgia here, and from under this pile of vinyl I can see the memories I have of my father more clearly. I remember the brightly painted little iron and tin soldiers made from melted down spoons he'd bring me once a week, after his shift at the Underground was over. In my youth he was a wonderful and nurturing man, but he soured as I grew older.

According to my mother, my father had been a functional illiterate when she met him, but he taught himself to read by force of will. By the time I knew him, he was a slow but voracious reader. Growing up in Jamaica I didn't mind reading the occasional book, but it was only during and after my prolonged childhood illness that I really began to treasure reading. My mother stoked that fire with books from the Bobbsey Twins, Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, Tom Brown's School Days, and of course Biggles.

I am, as always, indebted to my mother for three of the greatest gifts she ever gave me: my reasoned free will, my common sense, and my book educated mind. And as always at this time of year during hurricane season, I irrationally worry about her out there on that tiny island with her special room full of books, her green green garden, and her blue blue sky.

No Wikipedians were harmed during the construction of this article.

Diu Nei!

2010-08-30T17:51:00.005-04:00

Yep this feels like a Monday. Thank you Cee Lo Green! Well I always get sidetracked, and deliberately distract myself, when I try to work on my own website. But this time I have a cunning plan, and will not end up playing Persona 3, Team Fortress 2, or Alien Swarm into the wee hours of the night when I should be building. Maybe.

So here's the problem I need to choose a CMS. Drupal is right out, so I've done three test builds in b2evolution, and the security rates a 5/5, but at this point in my life, creating a template from scratch, especially one for this very specific use case will be a pain in the ass.

So it looks like I'll have to go with Wordpress after all. Security is 3/5 but there are so many more bloody options, and builds are a lot easier. Plus they have a plugin that come close enough to what I need that I can easily recode it using the text editor on my android phone. So I guess it will have to be Wordpress, but I'll have to waste a lot of time hardening the damned thing in order to bring that 3/5 up to at least a 4/5.

Deserve's got nothing to do with it.

Oh and lest you forget, Fuck You!

The vapor of a dungeon

2010-08-27T11:38:00.007-04:00

I've been obsessed with this game since it was called Dungeon Defense. Dungeon Defense was a free to download UDK game from the Unreal Development Kit Showcase that I played the shit out of while waiting for Dungeon Defenders to be released. See the old Dungeon Defense trailer here.

Now Trendy Entertainment is releasing the game as Dungeon Defenders for XBLA, PSN and Steam (yay! already added to my wishlist). I'm dying to see what updates they've made since the UDK version, and whether the new version runs a lot better on my laptop. According to the guys from Trendy Entertainment, it combines the best parts of an Action RPG with DotA like tower defense strategy, and includes persistent leveling, and item management.

Speaking of laptop games, what's going on with Mode 7's petition to get Frozen Synapse onto Steam? The last status update was in May, and I'm hoping to play the bloody game with full Steamworks support this fall.

Obscuralia nine

2010-08-21T12:30:00.038-04:00

Obscuralia nine will cover the heroes of Canada. My old Linux agnostic inkjet printer/scanner finally gave up the ghost, but I now have a brand new leet specced dedicated scanner, and a sweet new laser printer. So things will be getting very interesting around here. With the exception of Marvel Comics' Wolverine, and his former Alpha Flight teammates, Canadian superheroes at both DC and Marvel are usually the sidelined redheaded stepchildren of their respective universes.

First up we have Maginnis a Canadian Royal Mounted Policeman, and the earliest appearing Canadian character from DC Comics, he also has the second most appearances of any Canadian character behind Plastique. He debuted in New Comics #4 (June 1936), and returned in issues 5 through 11, ending with New Adventure Comics #12 (January 1937).

Monty of the Mounties is yet another Canadian mountie, sadly Monty only had one appearance. Monty debuted in New Adventure Comics #23 (January 1938).

Sergeant O'Malley of the Red Coat Patrol (yeah another mountie). O'Malley is one of the oldest Canadian characters that I could find, but there may be other Canadian mounties and trappers in DC's archives. O'Malley debuted in More Fun Comics #39 (January 1939).

Next up we have Hyperman, Charles Leblanc from an imaginary story in Superman #200 (October 1967). This is just one of many DC characters named Hyperman. In the imaginary story, Kal-El's brother Knor-El wins the right by combat to become Superman, his alter ego is Kent Clarkson a reporter at the Daily Planet in Metropolis. And later Kal-El becomes Hyperman, aka Charles Leblanc, a reporter for the Montreal Star in Quebec.

As Hyperman, Kal-El basically wears a copy of the Superman costume, but replaces the traditional "S" shield, with an "H" shield. I personally prefer the Hyperman costume worn by Chester King, the Hyperman of planet Oceania. Now if they ever re-introduce Hyperman, this is what he should wear.

The Flying Fox is one of the coolest forgotten heroes in DC's arsenal, he's up there with all their other underused native american heres like: Super-Chief, Owlwoman, The Butcher (john butcher to his friends), Apache Chief (heh heh), Black Condor, Arak, Manitou Dawn, Seneca, Willpower, Man-Of-Bats, Raven Red, and Night Eagle. Flying Fox was a member of a World War II superhero team known as the Young All-Stars, he debuted in Young All-Stars #1 (June 1987).

Curiously enough, DC had a Golden Age character named the Flying Fox, he was a globe trotting mercenary adventurer whose country of origin was never explicitly stated. Rex Darrell the Flying Fox debuted in More Fun Comics #37 (November 1938).

Plastique has had the most exposure of any Canadian character published by DC Comics. She's gone from villainess, to antihero member of the Suicide Squad, to heroic ally of the Justice League, and everywhere in between. For a while there she was even married to Captain Atom, but like Peter Parker's marriage it was not to last. Plastique debuted in Fury of Firestorm #7 (December 1982).

Centrix is the go to guy in every message board discussion of DC's Canadian superheroes. He hasn't had a lot of appearances but people never forgot him. Centrix debuted in Justice League Quarterly #17 (Winter 1994).

Frostbite was a member of the Young Heroes, and apparently was some sort of "snow elf". He debuted in Young Heroes In Love #1 (June 1997).

Corona was the superhero name taken by Kako an Inuit woman who was the ex-lover of Aquaman, and mother of Koryak. Kako disappeared just before Jason Rusch as Firestorm was named the fire elemental, and has not been seen since. Kako debuted in Aquaman: Time and Tide #3 (February 1994), and became Corona in Aquaman vol. 5 #7 (March 1995).

Koryak was the firstborn son of Aquaman, conceived with his lover an Inuit woman named Kako. He roamed the spectrum between hero and antihero for the duration of his appearances until his fictional death. Koryak debuted in Aquaman vol.5 #5 (January 1995).

Donna Carol Force, D.C. Force (directed current, its a pun), or Sparx as she preferred to be known, was the only member of Canada's Force Family not to have developed a metahuman ability.After a tip from cousin Orrie a S.T.A.R. Labs employee, Donna and her uncle Harry traveled from Canada to Metropolis. They both intended to deliberately trigger her metagene, by allowing Gemir one of the parasitic aliens from the Bloodlines event to bite her. Sparx debuted in Adventures of Superman Annual #5 (1993).

The Force Family debuted in Adventures of Superman Annual #5 (1993) with uncle Harry Force who transforms into a massive were-creature, and cousin Orrie who works for S.T.A.R. Labs in Metropolis.

Allure Force-Botier, is an implied multiple murderess, and the black sheep of the Force Family. She has survived four husbands, lives in New Orleans, and literally transforms into a black widow werespider. Allure debuted in Showcase 94' #6 (June 1994). Unseen family member Hank Force supposedlty hung out with a "team of caustic mutant types", as explained by a letter from Donna to Harry in the backmatter of Blood Pack #3 (May 1995).

The rest of the family debut in Superboy and the Ravers #10 (June 1997), and later return in issues 13, 15, and 17 (i'm really trying to forget that InterC.E.P.T. ever existed). The Force Family are the largest and probably only mainstream continuity supergroup in DC Comics' Canada. Their closest Marvel analogs are the Clan Destine. The Force Family lives in a rustic yet high tech Fantastic Four styled compound in the fictional town of Timberton, British Columbia. And it appears that the entire town of Timberton is populated by members of their extended family. The town of Timberton also hosts a Force Family museum, filled with statuary which seem to indicate that they have been operating since the time of the Roman Empire. The "special forces" of the Force Family prefer to use their powers to secretly help people, Sparx is the only member of the family to buck tradition, go public, and wear a costume.

Known Force Family members are: Iris Force the precognitive matriarch and grandmother of Donna Carol Force, Gail Force who controls the wind mother of Donna, Tetrad Force husband of Gail and father of Donna who can create four duplicates of himself, Harry Force Donna's uncle who can become a werebeast and nearly got her killed, Doc Force is Donna's uncle who has X-Ray vision and runs the local doctor's office, Smith Force runs the town smithy (don't ask about Flicka Force, no one talks about Flicka Force) and is a large man with superhuman strength. A young boy named Stat Force has superspeed, Minnie Force can either shrink or is permanently small, Piston Force appears to be living metal, Anastasia Force is an empath who can soothe the emotions of others, Calvin Force is Donna's brother whose metagene was triggered after Harry pushed him into a vat of chemicals. Donna Carol Force is better known as Sparx and has electrical abilities, Allure Force-Botier is Donna's aunt and becomes an orange black widow werespider. There are other named and unnamed family members visible in their six appearances, these include Donna's cousins Hank, and Orrie.

The Family Dynamic is an out of continuity Fantastic Four styled team that really should have launched in continuity. Their four team members are Pyralis (fire), Scirocco (air), Troylus (water) and Terran (earth). They reminded me a lot of an updated version of DC's own Elementals from Superfriends #14 (October 1978).

They are based in the fictional location of Storm City, and the family get their powers from four special "elemental power rings". Hmm those multicolored symbols remind me of something that came much later. Brightest Something?

They aren't the only superheroes in the family, non-powered Blackbird and Little Wing also operate in Storm City.

Anyway the Family Dynamic exist in a universe where Defender their Superman is a black hero from Detroit. Yet another reason why they should have kept this thing in the DCU and just have this guy be an updated Hyperman. Defender's secret identity is that of newspaper reporter Dwayne Day. The Family Dynamic debuted in The Family Dynamic #1 (October 2008).

No Wikipedians were harmed during the construction of this article.

Blackstar Warrior!

2010-08-09T03:27:00.012-04:00

The Blackstar Warrior trailer is an artful short subject, a beautiful advertisement for the blacksploitation sci-fi film you always wanted to see. I hope that this is never expanded into a feature length film, because it could never, ever live up to the crazy-awesome-wonderful that has been compressed into this trailer. The awesome poster above was done by Matt Haley as referenced in this interview by Markus Seaberry over at Geeks of Doom.

I think David Walker of the BadAzz MoFo website was responsible for creating the trailer and several related faux-documentaries. Walker has posted extensive article coverage of the trailer and its accompanying docos, here.

All three documentaries are up on Youtube here: part one, part two, part three.

Memories of Jademan

2010-08-08T05:58:00.034-04:00

Back in the late eighties and early nineties I owned a large collection of manhua published by Jademan Comics, who relaunched as Jade Dynasty after a three year hiatus. Jademan was my intro to chinese comics, so they hold a special place in my heart. I later sold my collection on eBay but I still miss them.

I owned Jademan titles like Blood Sword, Blood Sword Dynasty, Drunken Fist, Force of Buddha's Palm, Iron Marshal, Jademan Collection (only #1), and Oriental Heroes,. They went out of business when their owner was put in prison for forgery, later the successor company Jade Dynasty continued some of the original titles. Both schools of Jade kicked much ass while they were around.

If you've actually held a manhua title in your hands, you know from experience that neither manga nor manhwa come anywhere close to the crazy over the top action, and beautiful intricate linework that you see in young heroes manhua. Ma Wing-shing was the primary artist on Blood Sword (Chinese Hero), and he was the guy back then, not that the man still isn't a bad motherfucker now. That dude can easily outdraw most western artists. (yes that was a deliberate guy, man, dude)

Yes he does look an awful lot like Spider-Man. No I cannot tell you why he is infringing on Marvel Comics' copyright. Blame Tony Wong, he drew the damned thing.

Tony also wrote and drew Drunken Fist which was without a doubt the worst Jademan title. It also fittingly had the shortest publication run outside of the three issue Jademan Collection.

Readers of Iron Marshal were subjected to the horrific Chinese to English translations of Henry Wright. So I basically just gave up on following any semblance of a plot, looked at the pretty pictures, and tried to crib Lee Chi Ching's art style.

Wong Yuk-long aka Tony Wong Yuk-Long, the primary artist on Oriental Heroes was actually able to cross over to the western market. Tony drew the Batman: Hong Kong one-shot, which was written by the great Doug Moench.

I have an interesting question for you DC Comics readers, whatever happened to Benny Lo the Night-Dragon? Is he even in continuity as the "Batman of Hong Kong", has he met the Great Ten, was he killed by them? I bet that if DC had hired Tony to draw the Great Ten mini-series we would have seen a full ten issue commitment from DC Editorial.

Tony Wong Yuk-Long was also a decent Hong Kong actor, and the founder and owner of Jademan Comics (Jademan Holdings Ltd.). In 1997 he was sent to prison for forgery, two years later he was released and launched Jade Dynasty publishing.

Joe McCulloch of the Savage Critic blog did an awesome writeup of Jademan Comics here. Johnny Kaos on Live Journal has a great post here where he writes about awful manhua translation work, and comic book veteran Mike Baron's work on the Jademan books, see that post here. In The Basement Tapes #9 by Joe Casey and Matt Fraction over at Comic Book Resources, Joe and Matt also mention Mike Baron's Jademan Comics translations, this is the link. There's a great little article by Terry Hooper of Comic Bits Online entitled Manhua, Manhwa, & Manga, which also touches on Jademan Comics.

Did you know that Indian manga styled comics were called Inga? I did not know that. I just thought they were called Indian Comics, you know because they tend to be more western than eastern in nature, form, and format. The More You Know.

Don't freestyle much but I write em like such.

No Wikipedians were harmed during the construction of this article.

They call me Mister T'oby

2010-08-07T21:09:00.011-04:00

It all started out so well.

I have added my official review of the six issue Black Panther and Doctor Doom centric, Doomwar mini-series by Jonathan Maberry. See the parahrased quote of my Comic Book Resources post below.

Doom punked yo momma.

Remember in Roots when Kunta Kinte ran away from Massah one too many times? Well they caught him, and hobbled him by chopping off his toes. After that he could walk, but he couldn't run.

That's pretty much what the Doomwar mini-series felt like to me.

Like someone high up in Marvel Comics Editorial wanted to make sure that the Black Panther was hobbled, because they believed that a sexually threatening, mentally competent, uberconfident, and super proficient black male superhero was alienating the white fanbase.

He's less uppity now. Thank you for Shadow Physics though, that shit is nice.

Doug Zawisza from CBR put up a like minded review here, and Hannibal Tatu from CBR tears it up here. IGN's Jesse Schedeen didn't hate it. Babs over at Comicvine was off the Maberry love train by issue #4, as you can see by her Brutally Honest review of the series' progress leading up to issue four, here. (okay lets be brutally honest here, i could give a fuck about what "babs" thinks about comics, she's a pretty face they use for video reviews, but she's shit when it comes to basic comics knowledge)

In other author related news, George R. R. Martin continues to be a dick. Finish the fucking book George!

Manhuanimation

2010-08-07T21:05:00.013-04:00

Chinese animation has come a long way from Little Nezha (1979). We now see stuff like Fire Ball: Journey to the West (2005), and Storm Rider: Clash of the Evils (2008). Or even the wonderful 2nd Life (2008) short from L-Key Animation.

Little Nezha (1979)

Chinese animation seems to perpetually revisit the same Monkey King centric themes, if it isn't another re-invention of Journey to the West, then it's some variation on the 108 Heroes from the Water Margin, a modern take on the Superiormen of Fengshin Yanyi, yet another version of the Ten Brothers legend, or some other beaten to death Wuxia story.

Fire Ball:Journey to the West (2005)

Storm Rider: Clash of the Evils (2008)

2nd Life (2008)

And of course what feature on chinese animation would be complete without Legend 333 (2010) from Vasoon Animation, the guys who are also bringing us Ksitigarbha, and Deity Hunters.

Legend 333 (2010)

I'm keeping my eyes open, for any new and interesting bits of animation from Asia. I'm still waiting for India to step up to the plate in a meaningful way. And no India, Koochie Koochie Hota Hain does not count, I get douche chills every time I see that trailer. It's Roadside Romeo all over again. Make more references to shitty obscure Bollywood actors why don't you.

Manhua is what the Chinese call their brand of manga, bring it together with Gerry Anderson's Supermarionation, and you get Manhuanimation. They come together like Voltron!

No Wikipedians were harmed during the construction of this article.

The Man with the Hexadecimal Tattoo

2010-07-29T23:20:00.002-04:00

Well it seems that I'm not the only one drawing comparisons between Wikileaks' "fictional" founder Julian Assange (created by whomever Julian believes he is), and Millennium's fictional founder Mikael Blomkvist (created by Stieg Larsson). Anyway, a really neat article by Nikki Barrowclough detailing the comparisons between both fractional characters is located at here: The secret life of Wikileaks founder Julian Assange (mis-asian.com).

Bonvillains seven

2010-07-17T16:41:00.034-04:00

This is part two of a comprehensive listing of Green Arrow's rogues gallery, and it covers L through W. You can find part one here. Well I kept the bloody thing under three articles so I am damned happy. next up another huge two parter, it will be the DC Comics Africa post, probably more information based than rant or screed. I'll be debuting a new label for that one called either Universus or Planet of the Capes, (cape shall not kill cape) for when I take a scalpel to a fictional universe.

Lord Kalesque: This is Lord Kalesque an English serial killer who just so happens to be an excellent archer. At the end of the story after an anticlimactic confrontation with Green Arrow, we are made to assume that he ended up in Star City's equivalent of Arkham Asylum. Was Star City just Gotham City west? Anyway I wonder if Kalesque and all his other rogues have just been incarcerated all these years. We've never actually seen Star City's metahuman prison, it is possible that they ship their convicts to an out of state federal facility. Green Arrow Annual vol. 2 #1 (1988)

Macchiavelli: The criminal known only as Macchiavelli was brought in by the Wall Street Irregulars to assist in their economic and political takeover of Star City. His bodyguard was the previously mentioned Executrix. Detective Comics #523 (February 1983)

Man-Bear: Ursus the Man-Bear, and Wulf (a wolf man, duh!) were two animal hybrids created by the mysterious and dead geneticist Doctor Grant. They were introduced in an awesome six part story that ran from World’s Finest Comics vol. 1 #245 (June 1977) through World’s Finest Comics vol. 1 #247 (October 1977). If this were a Marvel Comics story (i love this about marvel), the technology that created Man-Bear and Wulf would easily be linked to that which created the Ani-Men of Repli-Tech, and the technologies used in the Wildebeest Society program that created Pantha.

Mole Men: The Mole Men were two human criminals in mole suits, with a ridiculously high tech digging machine that they probably stole from Cave Carson, and "acetylene guns" which somehow fired a stable superheated oxy-acetylene torch effect over thirty feet with limited fuel. Because as you can see there are no fuel lines or tanks. Again criminals using technology that would make them millionaires to steal $50,000 from a bank. Adventure Comics #269 (February 1960) I love that Marvel eventually answered this question when they explained that the crooks leased this gear from people like the Power Broker, and basically robbed banks to pay off the cost of their high tech gear. So what DC needs is their own version of the Power Broker, some old school science criminal like Doctor Sivana, who likes making mad rupees by leasing black market technology. Just like how the Calculator made his transition to knowledge broker, you could even have Signalman handling illicit communications, and Kite Man handling underground transport.

Moreau the Beast Master: The madman known as Marcel Moreau stole the genetic process developed by Doctor Grant, and used to create Man-Bear and Wulf. He used this process to create and army of animal hybrids with which he nearly killed Green Arrow and Black Canary but for Wulf's intervention. Of course this story owes its provenance to the Island of Doctor Moreau. World's Finest Comics vol. 1 #247 (November 1977)

Octopus Gang [1] [2]: The Octopus Gang was led by the appropriately costumed Octopus. A lot of the early Green Arrow stories made it seem as if Star City was in fact an east coast city with an active harbor and dock community. World's Finest Comics vol. 1 #67 (November 1953) Batman and Superman would later run afoul of the Octopus and the Octopus Gang. World's Finest Comics #131 (February 1963)

Ozone: Ozone was a wannabe supervillain who turned out to be a pretty decent vigilante, he was much better at being a hero than he ever was as a villain. Ozone was also a product of the 1980s, he was a legitimized graphitti artist who used specialized spray cans with various unique effects. He was a spray can Green Arrow, he had cans with constricting foam, acid, explosive gas, and even pressurized propellant. Detective Comics vol. 1 #527 (June 1983)

Pete Lomax: Green Arrow just seems to attract nutjob archers like Lord Kalesque, Cupid and Pete Lomax, which I guess is a good thing. Pete Lomax appears in the excellent two part "Night Olympics" story by Alan Moore. In the story, Petey almost killed Black Canary by putting an arrow through her chest, because he wanted to prove that anyone could do what Green Arrow does. I'd love to see Pete Lomax and Lord Kalesque make a return from whatever mental health facility they were both locked up in. Pete Lomax is one of the only Alan Moore creations that Geoff Johns and or DC Comics have not milked to exhaustion. Detective Comics #549-550 (April 1985-May 1985)

Pinball Wizard: In my opinion the Pinball Wizard had a great costume and a killer gimmick. I'd love to see him make a comeback. Detective Comics #543 (October 1984)

Pneumatic Man: The Pneumatic Man and his gang carried special airguns which they used to blow away arrows, and helium filled inflateable suits which they used to make their getaways. World’s Finest Comics vol. 1 #106 (December 1959)

Printer's Devil [3]: There were two different Printer's Devils, Thomas Doyle the first Printer's Devil ended up reformed. Detective Comics #539 (June 1984) The second Printer's Devil tried to kill Thomas Doyle, and later teamed with Bad Penny, and Pinball Wizard to take on Green Arrow. PD's main gimmick is his flamethrowing trident. Detective Comics #543 (October 1984)

Professor Ojo: Green Arrow only crossed paths with Professor Ojo once, when he and Green Lantern confronted the Crumbler. I wonder if there is a link between the technology in his "spy eyes", and the technology in Mister Terrific's T-spheres. Green Lantern #114 (March 1979)

Rainbow Archer: Albrecht Raines the Rainbow Archer was an old adversary of Green Arrow's. I think that due to his name and costume this character would probably be handled a lot differently today. Adventure Comics #246 (March 1958)

Red Dart [4]: The Red Dart started out as a vigilante, armed with special "trick darts" he pretended to be a hero while fronting for a criminal gang. His first costume was orange and blue, his later costume was red and blue. World’s Finest Comics vol. 1 #95 (July 1958) The second Red Dart was a criminal who had bought the right to use the name from the original, he carried a special dart gun, and stole Kyle Rayner's power ring. JLA #34 (October 1999)

Red Devil Gang: The Red Devil Gang was a troop of four acrobatic thieves in devil costumes, who carried off spectacular robberies, and escaped over rooftops using a variant of free running. More Fun #77 (March 1941)

Rocket Raiders: The Raiders Raiders used special rocket drills, rocket cars, and rocket planes to carry out their crimes. (blah blah blah implausible technology, blah blah blah wasted intellectual resources) As usual all their tech was designed by a mysterious criminal scientist. World’s Finest Comics vol. 1 #94 (May 1958)

Roper: That's right the Roper, I laughed out loud too when I saw the guy, a theme too far I guess. He's a man who's really, really good at lassoing things. Captain Lash looks good next to this guy. I bet Mister Roper could take this mort. Adventure Comics #176 (May 1952)

Shark Gang: I love these guys, and the fact that in order to catch them Green Arrow and Speedy had to break out the Arrow-Sub and their special Aqua-Bows. An Aqua-Bow was a cross between a speargun and a crossbow, that fired octopus arrows, glowfish arrows, jellyfish arrows and electric eel arrows. The Shark Gang made underwater getaways using their strangely plausible shark-mobiles. World’s Finest Comics vol. 1 #130 (December 1962)

Slingshot: David Drayson the badass known as Slighshot. That's right I wrote badass. This is a guy who came across as dangerous while using a pair of slingshots. He has one of the best costumes of any of Green Arrow's rogues. World’s Finest Comics vol. 1 #244 (April 1977) He was apparently slain by Cupid, a crappy character not worthy of carrying his bandana. Green Arrow and Black Canary #18 (May 2009)

Spectrum Man: The Spectrum Man used special light refraction technology to blind his enemies and technically render himself unseen. World’s Finest Comics vol. 1 #110 (June 1960)

Spider: Lucas Ludlow-Dalt the second Spider ran afoul of Starman, Green Arrow and Hawkman at different times in his career. Starman vol. 2 #47 (October 1998)

Steelclaw: I loved this guy's costume in my younger years, and I still do. I feel that as it was introduced, it was one the best villain designs in comics, and was so underloved and underused. Steelclaw was Thomas Bolt the mayor of Star City, and was not actually a supervillain. Like the Green Hornet he just pretended to be bad. Too bad it never occured to him to wear a ballistic vest. Detective Comics #560 (March 1986)

Vengeance: The mort known as Vengeance was a cipher, and a straight up Vigilante [5] ripoff. Vengeance carried out an extreme form of Green Arrow's social justice agenda. He shot people he thought were criminals, and sometimes killed innocent people. Detective Comics #545 (December 1984) And of course Cupid came along and killed him too, no loss there. Green Arrow and Black Canary #18 (May 2009)

Vulture-Man: Like Kite Man before him, Vulture-Man was a master of kite based glider technologies. He is the wind! Where is Toruk when you need it? Last shadow! Last shadow! World’s Finest Comics vol. 1 #93 (March 1958)

Wall Street Irregulars: The Wall Street Irregulars would feel right at home in the modern world, these were all guys who were caught committing various financial crimes including insider trading. These guys attempted to seize economic and political control of Star City. Detective Comics #523 (February 1983)

Werewolves of London: These guys take their name from a great song by Warren Zevon. The Werewolves were basically a pastiche of Wez (Vernon Wells) and the rest of Lord Humongous' gang from Mad Max 2. These guys setup shop in the Star City Municipal Dump, and mostly operated as a motorcycle gang, except that some of them were cyborgs, and they had high tech weaponry. Detective Comics #533 (December 1983)

Wind: The Wind was a guy who pretended to have wind control powers, but in actuality he had a special truck with a huge fan inside just off camera, back and to the left. You know in that blind spot off frame that we as readers cannot see, but that we assume fictional characters in that world would instantly notice. There was a second fan! I saw a glint of that fan on the mossy berm! Love that weather vane helmet guy. World's Finest Comics vol. 1 #38 (January 1949)

Honorable mentions
Mister Ventor - World’s Finest Comics #101 (May 1959)
Natas - Green Arrow vol. 3 #66 (November 2006)
Phantom Thief - Adventure Comics #233 (February 1957)
Onomatopoeia - Green Arrow vol. 3 #12 (March 2002)
Polka-Dot Archer - Adventure Comics #238 (July 1957)
Prometheus - New Year's Evil: Prometheus #1 (February 1998)
Shado - Green Arrow: The Longbow Hunters #1 (August 1987)

Shark Norton - Adventure Comics #267 (December 1959)

Sky Raider - Adventure Comics #234 (March 1957)
Star-City Slayer - Green Arrow vol. 3 #1 (April 2001)
The Stinger - World’s Finest Comics #251 (June 1978)
The Survivalist - Detective Comics #532 (November 1983)
The Trickster - Adventure Comics #239 (August 1957)
The Wizard - Adventure Comics #267 (December 1959)
Whitey Dunn - Adventure Comics #234 (March 1957)

No Wikipedians were harmed during the construction of this article.

Coder Girl

2010-07-15T16:43:00.000-04:00

I prefer this remix version of Dale Chase's nerdcore hit Coder Girl to the original song. The first version was good, but the remix is better, it feels more refined and less repetitive. My thanks to Hak.5 for pointing me in Dale's direction.

Bonvillains six

2010-07-15T14:15:00.031-04:00

This is part one of a comprehensive listing of Green Arrow's rogues gallery, and it covers A through I. You can find part two here. Fittingly most of Green Arrow's rogues use specialized projectile weapons, and surprisingly he had a lot more rogues than I realized, I'm talking about Batman levels of depth, many of them can easily be refurbished with some wood putty and a couple of decent coats of paint. So what I'm saying here is that Green Arrow has a decent rogues gallery, so many in fact that I had to weed out two thirds of them.

Anton Allegro [1]: Anton Allegro was a Russian musician who was accidentally deafened by one of Green Arrow's sonic arrows. Anton then became the DCU's first and only "technomage" when he discovered a tome of demonic magic, and created an advanced synthesizer which cast specific spells when he hit certain keys. Justice League of America vol. 1 #163 (February 1979)

Ape Archer [2]: There were two different Ape Archers, the first was a chimpanzee named Bonzo who was outfitted with a Green Arrow styled costume and used to rob banks by an unscrupulous trainer named Bart Rockland. Strangely the flashback to the first Ape Archer does not refer to a previous story, but is used to give a quick and dirty background for Bonzo. The second Ape Archer was Lance, a short man in an ape suit, that for some reason looked exactly like the proportions of a real chimpanzee up to the point that he was unmasked. (they apparently had some amazing costume technology back in the 1960s) World's Finest Comics vol 1 #116 (March 1961)

Archer From Mars: As you may have guessed, typical to Silver Age stories, the Archer From Mars was not actually a Martian, he was in fact a crook in a bad alien suit. World’s Finest Comics vol. 1 #90 (September 1957)

Bad Penny: Bad Penny was a criminal who wore special mesh gloves that somehow generated controlled electrical arcs with no visible power source, she was allied with Printer's Devil and Pinball Wizard. Detective Comics #543 (October 1984)

Barricade: Old skullface there is named Barricade, he was "A monk named Lars" (sounds like the name of an indie band) from the same monastery where Onyx originated. Barricade was made immortal and transformed into a ghoul by the "Book of Ages", a magical tome that has reappeared not since. Yep Onyx in her original, or as it is now known, her good costume with the killer 'fro. Not the crazy bald freak we have today. Detective Comics #566 (September 1986)

Big Game [3]: Big Game I was a Kraven the Hunter styled knockoff, his son Blake became Big Game II after his father was murdered by Cupid. As far as I can tell, both versions of Big Game were introduced in the same storyline. Green Arrow and Black Canary #23 (October, 2009)

Bird Gang: The Bird Gang used really cool looking miniature avrocars to make their getaway back in the days before your local police force had helicopters or surveillance drones. World's Finest Comics #132 (March 1963)

Birdman Gang: Like the caption says, the Birdman Gang wore "one-man jet units" that enabled them to make quick getaways after robbing banks. Using advanced technologies back in the 1960s that would have made them millionaires if properly marketed. World’s Finest Comics #127 (August 1962)

Black Magician: As per usual in early Green Arrow stories, the Black Magician had no "true" magical talent, but he was an expert at disguise, misdirection and sleight of hand. World's Finest Comics #62 (January 1953)

Blue Bowman: Yep the Blue Bowman was actually Phillip Cobb the Calendar Man in one of his two archery inspired villain costumes. I never really found out why the Calendar Man hated Green Arrow so much, but I think he was much more successful as an archer than with the calendar shtick. As far as I can tell, he never actually fought Green Arrow as the Blue Bowman. Batman vol. 1 #139 (April 1961)

Blue Lancer: The Blue Lancer was actually one the best villains I've seen in a Silver Age Green Arrow story. Just like Suicide Squad veteran Javelin who would come along later, the Blue Lancer carried a brace of specialized spears, lances and javelins. World's Finest Comics #43 (December 1949)

Bonfire: The villainess known as Bonfire fought both Green Arrow and Black Canary and is one of the few true metahumans in his rogues gallery. Detective Comics #553 (August 1985)

Bulls-Eye: Yep this guy was Green Arrow's Joker and I'd love to see a crossover, he had quite a few madcap appearances in the early days. Leapo the clown wore a bullseye on his chest, and was also a crack shot. World's Finest Comics #24 (September 1946)

Calendar Man: Here he is again Phillip Cobb the Calendar Man in one of his later unique archery inspired costumes. Detective Comics #551 (June 1985)

Camouflage King: The Camouflage king was an artistic criminal genius who had invented special spray guns which could render objects invisible through visual obscurity. World’s Finest Comics #102 (June 1959)

Captain Lash: The captain is a pirate themed whip expert who was skilled enough to deflect arrows in mid-air. Green Arrow mini-series #4 (August 1983)

Champion: The mercenary known as Champion was basically a version of Paladin from Marvel Comics, but with lesser scruples. He first appears to be a hero, but later crosses the line when he commits arson for a client and runs afoul of Green Arrow. I dug the flying suit and his high tech arsenal. I also liked that he was a superpowered mercenary who was not Deathstroke. Detective Comics #560 (March 1986)

Cheapjack: Star City is a weird place. Cheapjack was allied with motorcycle riding refugees from the Mad Max universe known as the Werewolves of London who hung out in the Star City Municipal Dump, we'll get into them later. Here we can see Cheapjack shocking Ozone with his electric whip, we'll also get into Ozone later. Cheapjack is just a man looking for love, while wearing a tophat and wielding a dodgy whip. Detective Comics #535 (February 1984) Somehow he graduated to the big time, and returned one year later to take on Batman and Superman. World's Finest Comics #316 (June 1985)

Clock King: They really only had one encounter but I added him anyway because i'm seeing a pattern in the sharing of Silver Age villains between members of the Justice League, especially between Batman and Green Arrow. World's Finest Comics #111 (August 1960)

Crumbler: Alexander Percy Tuttle, the Crumbler, is a villain with a special glove that nullifies the atomic bonds in matter. He fought both Green Arrow and Green Lantern and has been pretty much forgotten. Green Lantern #114 (March 1979)

Death Dealer: The Royal Flush Gang refugee known as Death Dealer appears to have adopted the modus operandi of Daredevil's nemesis Bullseye. He used special razor sharp metal throwing cards, club shaped mini-chainsaws, and spade shaped explosive grenades. Detective Comics #541 (August 1984) The almost definitely deceased Death Dealer was done dirty by the deranged assassin known as Cupid. Green Arrow and Black Canary #18 (May 2009)

Detonator: The Detonator was an extortionist and terrorist in a special armored suit that could make things blow up good. He shows up to bedevil Green Arrow, Ozone, Cheapjack and the Werewolves of London. We are so meta! Detective Comics #533 (December 1983)

Executrix [4]: The Executrix was a bodyguard/assassin who worked for Machiavelli and the Wall Street Irregulars. We will cover Machiavelli later. She was a trained martial artist who carried a pair of pretty effective pen sized lasers. Detective Comics vol. 1 #523 (February 1983) She returns to bedevil Batman and Superman at a later date. World's Finest Comics vol. 1 #314 (April 1985)

Funny Arrow: The Funny Arrow identity starts out being used by a professional clown making fun of Green Arrow. The identity is later co-opted by a crooked archer who uses Funny Arrow's tricks to rob banks. Green Arrow clears his name in the end. World’s Finest Comics vol. 1 #138 (December 1963)

GAMA, the Mechanical Archer: Gama was one of many robotic archers who crossed paths with Green Arrow back in the day. World's Finest Comics #76 (June 1955)

Green Error: The Green Error was another Mister Mxyzptlk styled clown based knockoff Green Arrow. And he was disturbing looking, in that clowny way. World’s Finest Comics vol. 1 #100 (March 1959)

Greenface: Yep, just as Bulls-Eye was his Joker, Greenface was Green Arrow's face mutilation guy, like Two Face, No Face or False Face. But they never quite pulled the trigger with him. Greenface was disfigured by an exploding vat of green dye which permanently tinted his face and neck green. He was a master tactician, and that's about it. World's Finest Comics vol. 1 #39 (April 1949)

Hi-Tek: The criminal hacker known as Hi-Tek actually turned out to be a teenage kid, and not so much a criminal. His adult form was actually a specially constructed digital avatar. This kid needs to meet up with the Calculator, Colonel Computron, Bug, Byte, Mystek, Jack Marshall, Oracle and Proxy at Hackapalooza. Detective Comics #521 (December 1982)

Iron Archie: Iron Archie was also known as the Iron Archer. And it was yet another robotic archer. This one was created by the "Prof", and they are all pretty interchangeable. Whoever makes these bloody things would more sensibly make a mint from military contracts. I am convinced that Oliver Queen has all these wacky robots on display in an Arrowcave somewhere. He would have made a mint after reverse engineering the damnable things. We have seen in current continuity that Green Arrow still maintains safehouses for his old Arrowcars, so it is entirely possible that the Arrowcave is still out there but mothballed. World’s Finest Comics vol. 1 # 129 (November 1962)

Honorable Mentions
Auntie Gravity - World’s Finest Comics vol. 1 #261 (February 1980)
Bow Master II - Adventure Comics #218 (November 1955)
Brick - Green Arrow vol. 3 #40 (September 2004)
Constantine Drakon - Green Arrow vol. 3 #27 (August 2003)
Cupid - Green Arrow and Black Canary #16 (March, 2009)
Decoy Gang - Adventure Comics #223 (April 1956)
Discord - Green Arrow and Black Canary #17 (April 2009)
Duke of Oil - Outsiders vol.1 #6 (April 1986)
Everyman - 52 #9 (July 2006)
Four Horsemen - Action Comics #444 (February 1975)
Frogmen Gang - World’s Finest Comics vol. 1 #92 (January 1958)
Harbor Thief - Adventure Comics #234 (March 1957)

No Wikipedians were harmed during the construction of this article.

Metal Tuesday

2010-07-13T19:42:00.003-04:00

And now for the inaugural and probably only edition of Metal Tuesday (brrrang twanng, imaginary guitar riffs), I present Ghost Town the debut music video from Charred Walls of the Damned. Ripper reminds me a lot of Sir Ronald James Padavona.

Academy Apocalypse Androphagi

2010-07-07T09:15:00.008-04:00

I feel that Highschool of the Dead by Daisuke Sato and Shouji Sato is some that good shit. Animated psychotropes coming out of 21st century Japan that kick you straight in the brainsticles through your optic nerves, like pixelated DMT. Highschool of the Dead is one of the most enjoyable new anime series I've seen this summer, because of the zombie gore factor, slow moving zombies, and the fact that they stick very closely to zombie lore. (except for a compressed zombie infection/revival time) I've always believed though that depending on when and how they died, some zombies would start out fast and then get slower with time.

Another standout series this season is Tomohiko Oto's Occult Academy, produced by A-1 Pictures. See the Occult Academy trailer here.

The problem with Steel

2010-07-01T10:15:00.042-04:00

I think that there is a fundamental problem with John Henry Irons and his alter-ego Steel. His earliest appearances were poisoned by junk science. Shitty stories where he's shown building a suit of high tech armor using a hammer and a fucking rivet gun. He flies about with junky rockets, but wears a ridiculously long cape that gets in the way of them. His armored suit was the apex of bad nineties design, and yet it did not exist in a vacuum, because thirty years earlier Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, Larry Lieber and Don Heck invented Iron Man. And Iron Man was extremely well thought out, and had at the time of Steel's creation, completed a well directed process of evolution to counter relevant in-universe threats. (yeah armor that doesn't expose your skin when the first layer is ripped away) Here's the thing, I want to know how long Steel can fly before he runs out of fuel, I want a sensible DCU flight system, Nth metal exists so use it. I want to know what powers his armor, the DCU has Promethium batteries the perfect power source (and mutagen). I don't think I'm asking for too much, I just want them to look at contemporary examples of this fiction done right, and learn from them

Telescoping hammer handle is good, hammer hits harder the farther it's thrown is good, hammer with built in computer is good, rivet firing gauntlets is bad, boot rockets are bad, cape is bad, S-shield is bad. He exists in the DC Comics universe, and yet Lex Luthor has a way better suit of armor. Lex has class 100 armor that enables him to go toe to toe with the big boys. Why is it that Lex Luthor can trade punches with Superman, the Martian Manhunter, or Captain Marvel, and yet Steel can not?

I'm trying to burn the movie incarnation of Steel from my memory, especially that exposed mouth, badly stapled together crapass rubber suit. No, just no. There are plenty of other armored heroes in the DCU, the Russian Rocket Reds, Die Rakete-Auslese (thanks james robinson!), the Atomic Knights, Skyrocket, Technocrat, so why hasn't he consulted with those guys or ripped them off? Skyrocket, Technocrat and Mister Terrific are all black technology users, are you telling me that there's no fictional equivalent of NBSE the National Society of Black Engineers, for black technology using superheroes?

This is the animated version of Steel, in one story Galatea the DCAU's version of Power Girl, rips away his armor to expose bare skin. That's right bare skin, no pneumatic muscle actuators, no antibacterial suit, no servo control layer, no wiring or circuitry. Just metal and skin? The mind fucking boggles, how did he even move that suit, where were the control surfaces? Are there optical sensors, stress senors in the metal, or feedback sensors that kept him from snapping his arms when he lifted something? Were there even shock absorbers or kinetic dampeners in his gauntlets to keep his his goddamn forearms from snapping like matchsticks when he caught his hammer? What powered his armor, was there a nugget of promethium in that thing? Did it use an Nth metal flight system? If it used rockets were they based on Rannian technology like Adam Strange's infinitely fueled jet-whatever pack? How does he recycle his solid and liquid waste? What about the waste heat generated by him just moving around in his suit, is there an onboard cooling system? Does the suit have an onboard oxygen supply and carbon scrubber? Fuck! Fuckity! Fuck! Fuck!

Steel went through the same alien armor phase as his Marvel Comics contemporary Jim Rhodes aka War Machine, and while Rhodes ended up rocking the Eidolon Warwear, Irons wore a suit of ugly Apokaliptian armor called the Entropy Aegis. These were the lost years and I think they came real close to killing the character then.

What we need now is a complete refresh of the Steel mythos, just like Marvel does with Tony Stark every ten years. We need a complete retelling of his origin, but one done with 21st century eyes, show him building a layered suit of sensible "class 100" armor, using an eclectic mix of real world innovation, and their own documented fictional technologies. And no fucking hammers or anvils! Yeah you can keep the hammer weapon, as Christopher Priest designed it, it's fucking good (at least he tried), but it can be even better. A smart hammer, with onboard AI that incorporates data constructs lifted from Checkmate's Code Zoo, snippets of Kilg%re and the Thinker. Armor capable of generating it's own forcefield using one of the billion DCU technologies, teleportation technology lifted from the Lextech both Bloodsports used to access their guns, advanced Dwarf Star miniaturization technology based on Ryan Choi's research. Imagine if he could teleport shrunken components from a special warehouse, he could build anything on demand, he could mod his armor for any situation. In a sensible universe John Henry would have analyzed Cameron Chase, figured out how her metagene neutralizing power worked and built it into his armor. He would have used the Captain Atom Project's X-ionizer technology to make his armor indestructible, he would have incorporated the weapons used by all the Flash's Rogues into his suit. Those Rogues have been captured hundreds of times, and yet none of the tech focused heroes have ever reverse engineered their weapons? And what about Count Vertigo's original technology? That vertigo effect would be great for crowd control. And I know he's seen the Amazonian Purple Ray, so why doesn't he have a portable version? I know I'm asking for too much because DC Comics editors were always bad at world building. And unlike Marvel Comics, DC editorial never were interested in taking existing DCU technologies to their next logical step. Marvel excels at this, precisely because they took the time to codify their entire fictional universe in the Marvel Handbooks.

For a while there during the Trinity maxi-series someone at DC blinked, somewhere in the Halls of the Lost, some editor greenlit the idea of superpowered Steel, it's easy, his name is Steel, let's make him metal. No, fuck that, do some bloody research, Christopher Priest gave you a great starting point, time to build on it. And get rid of the bloody cape, if you have to keep that damnable S-shield, then do something unique with it.

I love this cover, and while I hated what they were trying to do, I imagined John Henry Irons developing the ultimate liquid metal armored suit, a super thin paradigm shattering suit of inertron armor, with flat myomusculature circuitry and nth metal gravity nullifiers (for lifting heavy shit), a binary x-ionization field combined with nth metal kinetic deflectors (to keep you from dying), pinhead sized quantum bead promethium fuel cells and batacitors, diamond based spintronic data storage, a distributed buckywire smartmesh of processing units, polycrystalline copper filamid circuitry, and a polarized integral field that holds it all together in a colloidal soup (turn off the field and all armor components separate). So basically a three layer forcefield, the innermost holds the armor components together, the second hardens the armor's surface and the third inhibits kinetic damage. Did they ever explain who invented intertron? Was it a strictly 31st century thing?

I get it, people are in love with the idea of John Henry Irons using a hammer for everything, or his armor being ripped off to expose brown skin, it's easy artistic shorthand and they love the iconography. But it's time to get away from that shit, no he cannot use a hammer for everything, and decently designed armor does not work that way. And if John Henry Irons is using a hammer to build a high tech suit of armor, in a 21st century comic book, someone in editorial is not doing their fucking job.

Go to Eric Trautmann, tell him that you will give him money to write Steel: Year One, and then leave him the fuck alone. And get Dave Johnson to design a new suit of armor (and hammer), and have him draw the bloody mini-series. I kinda a rambled throughout this thing, and jumped around a lot, I hope it makes some kind of sense, I'll probably take a revision scalpel to it later in the week. I know Steel isn't a priority at DC Comics, and he's lucky when a great writer like Paul Cornell gives him a shoutout like he did this week. These are all ideas I've had swimming around in my head for a while, and I just needed to write them down.

No Wikipedians were harmed during the construction of this article.

Freedom is never free

2010-06-25T13:16:00.008-04:00

This is the kickass Born Free music video directed by Romain Gavras, and set to the amazing song Born Free by M.I.A. If you like Born Free, you might also what to check out both Jimmy, and Boyz by M.I.A., and some Tamil Reggae from Sasi The Don.

Liberty is the possibility of doubting, the possibility of making a mistake, the possibility of searching and experimenting, the possibility of saying No to any authority--literary, artistic, philosophic, religious, social and even political.

Ignazio Silone

You can learn more about Italian author Ignacio Silone on Wikipedia here.

And while you are out there on the webs in a freedom minded mood, head on over to Cory Doctorow's website at craphound.com and check out the free ebook for his rather excellent novel from 2008, Little Brother. And while I am puttering about in my links of interest folder, I have a treat for you all. A video of Neil deGrasse Tyson talking about human intelligence is right here.

Wiki is a subversive technology. No Wikipedians were harmed during the construction of this article.

Weaves algebraic patterns

2010-06-18T18:40:00.009-04:00

Noah 3988

This is a Noah 3988 Mini-ITX case, it is the same model unit I use for my FreeNAS server (but without the dents and scratches of constant abusive beatings). I put a Jetway 627FWE motherboard inside, it's the same mobo from the $200 Everex Green PC that was all the rage a few years back, and the case it's in is literally the size of a toaster. It has 1 GB of ram, and a 500 GB hard drive.

I used to love FreeNAS but the instability I've been experiencing in the latest build has me eagerly waiting for the alpha release of OpenMediaVault. For boxen with the specs I quoted above, Windows Home Server isn't really an option. And while the Windows Home Server Vail beta, has put that esteemed product on my radar for a Fall purchase, I need something a lot lighter for purposed use here.

No Wikipedians were harmed during the construction of this article.

Pájaro pequeño, pequeño nido

2010-06-18T16:30:00.003-04:00

An old friend of mine from New York (fellow sva alum) has a little startup called Spicy Magazine, and he's currently building apps for the iPhone, iPad and sundry Android devices. And while I get a free copy, I'd like to take the time here to pimp his calendar.

The image above kinda speaks for itself, if you like what you see advertised there, then buy the calendar (amazon link).

Toys in those bleak days

2010-06-17T22:24:00.027-04:00

The world building that Kieron Gillen has done for the indie game Curfew is excellent, long may he reign. Check out Kieron's post about Curfew over at Rock, Paper, Shotgun here.

This year's E3 has been an anticlimactic, uninspiring, and extremely conservative event. No thank you to Star Blokes: The Blocky Uglies from Bioware, the hate is swelling in me, there's nothing for me there LucasArts, I won't be going with you to Alderaan! No thank you to krazy over priced mocap peripheral from Microsoft, and the Wiitread from Sony.

APB (do you feel lucky, punk?)

Since I am no longer covered by their NDA, I can freely say that the reason Real Time Worlds has a ten day review embargo on APB is because the game is a piece of SHIT! Not since I beta tested Start Trek Online and Champions Online, have I so quickly run the fuck away from a beta test and magnascorched the bits it resided on. How the hell do you screw up Front Mission, especially after crazy ass Front Mission 5? Well you hire some turds called Double Helix Games to "American things up", thats how bowl spanning turds like Front Mission Evolved end up clogging our collective mental toilet.

The trailer for Deus Ex: Human Revolution looks fucking hot in all the technosexy ways that keep your nipples alert at night, and I heart this bloody trailer. And I have so much gamelove for Guild Wars 2, that it's just overflowing that love cup thing. The vessel with the pestle has the pellet with the poison rom, the chalice from the palace has the gamelove that is true, no wait they broke the chalice from the palace. Okay so the flagon with the dragon has the gamelove that is true right? Right? (what's fucking sad is that after all these years I still know this entire bloody routine by heart, much love to danny kaye ya ginger bastard!)

Portal 2 (PC, Mac, PS3, 360)

Of course Portal 2 is always on my radar, I may not finish the damned game, but at least I'll start it. The new and improved X-COM was a surprise now wasn't it? And you know, I kinda like the way it looks. LittleBigPlanet 2 is another great looking innovative game that I will never play. And Shank looks good too, man I hope Shank shows up on Steam, I really want to never finish playing it. If only the multiplayer backend DICE built for Medal of Honor: Beardy Edition, didn't look like a lazy tweaked clone of the interface they previously built into Battlefield: Bad Company 2, I'd probably be a lot more jazzed for it. (me am bizarro gamer, me hates battlefield: bad company 2!)

Sorcery (PS3)

I've been down on the Playstation Move for PS3, but I have to say, Sorcery looks like a very sexy game, and delivers on the "Wii HD" experience that I always wanted. (get your harry potter on! or your tanya grotter i'm not judging.) Okay Nintendo, you waited too long and Sony drank your motherfucking milkshake. How does it feel? The Twisted Metal series is back and coming to the PS3 in 2011, I'm not sure if I really care anymore. The same goes for Disciples III, I loved the first two entries in the series, but I now have so many damned games in my Steam queue I may never see it. OnLive is doomed to failure, double doomed I say! Now Unity 3D they have something there, I expect to see good progress from those lads in the near future.

Witcher 2 (PC, PS3, 360)

Oh and I almost forgot, the Witcher 2: Titty Edition, this game has a hell of a lot of great word of mouth behind it, and CD Projekt Red's new game engine looks smexy as hell.

My PC is my primary gaming rig I built this bitch myself, it is one of many boxen I have frankensteined over the years. The most advanced console I own is a Dreamcast because I hate console controllers, and I keep a rom filled Dingoo A320 (black) in my knapsack. I have a Belkin Nostromo N45 (for the last remnant), and a Hori Fighting Stick 3 (for street fighter 4 & super street fighter 4) attached to my PC and I use them almost never.

PPS: Truly epic live E3 Bombcast on Ustream last night ran through the morning (june 18th, good friday). Long may Leigh reign! Did you know she was from Brooklyn?

No Wikipedians were harmed during the construction of this article.

The Modern Gallants

2010-06-06T11:41:00.005-04:00

It had to happen eventually, another excellent retro Kung Fu comedy out of Hong Kong in the tradition of crossover hit Kung Fu Hustle. Clement Cheng's new actioner "The Gallants" looks fucking amazing, no wire-fu or undercranking visible in the trailer, just old school cheesy Golden Harvest style action. I friggin love the premise of the story which basically seems to be a League of Extraordinary Gentlemen for Kung Fu action heroes.

What if the heroes back in the 1960's and 1970's were old?

Thanks to Fred Ambroisine over at Twitch who has an interview with Clement Cheng up here.

Matter suffers until the nigredo disappears

2010-05-24T22:42:00.025-04:00

Nigger Hatin' Me

Move Them Niggers North

There's something disturbing, and yet empowering about young black men mockingly dancing to Johnny Rebel's uneducated adolescent screeds, it seems to ennoble them, and it confuses the fuck out of certain white people (your modern white whiskey sipping, stormfront posting, cousin fucking, automatic rifle toting, tea party attending, jsa comics writing, bigoted douchebag). A younger angrier me would have waded into the ugly confused shitstorm of the comment threads below both those videos. Wisdom came late to me, I eventually realized that it's best to leave those crabs alone in their barrels, they eventually wear themselves out.

The Story of Jimmy Rebel

I've known about Johnny Rebel for years, I think I discovered, got indignant over, and got over the truth of his existence back in the nineties. But it seems that Aaron McGruder must have recently become aware of him, as a singer named "Jimmy Rebel" showed up in last night's episode of the Boondocks.

Fuck Lost!

2010-05-24T09:18:00.007-04:00

The series three finale (and last episode ever) of BBC's Ashes to Ashes that aired this weekend, exceeded the last episode of Lost. And while it covered some of the same ground as the Lost finale, they were infinitely better at doing so, it was just incredibly good.

Congrats and thanks to Matthew Graham who answers all questions about the A2A finale, here.

It's a Knockout!

Obscuralia eight

2010-05-20T22:05:00.009-04:00

This little post is kind of a prequel to the three or four part DC Comics Africa article I have yet to come up with a good name for. I turned up some amazing research, enough I think for a couple of Wikipedia articles. Anyway I finally started up my scanner this evening, the one that hates Windows 7 but loves Ubuntu. And I scanned some pertinent stuff from my copy of the Superhero Dictionary (1978). And while I was there I threw in my copy of the Comic Crusader Storybook (1977). Anyway these Conjura pics are all extras I didn't need for the upcoming articles, but I still wanted to do something with them.

Because of her costume I figure that Conjura must originate from somewhere in North Africa.

And she uses backwards magic like Zatanna, and the Yellow Peri. For some reason I remember the Yellow Peri reading a spell backwards from her book of magic. I could even see an informal sisterhood containing Zatanna, Yellow Peri and Conjura all using backwards magic. Similar to the retconned brotherhood formed by Zatara, Tor the Magic Master, and Merlin the Magician.

Here's another favorite fanwank of mine, Doctor Mist's first in depth origin stated that he created a series of magical artifacts, amulets and gems which were passed down to other Homo Magi. So I always figured he was partially responsible for the existences of both Bloodwynd and Conjura.

Anyway I fell unrealistically in love with what I felt was the character's true potential, I am also into black newspaper reporter Wilson Forbes, the black husband and wife detective couple of Ted and Teri Trapper, and the tiny purple haired alien android SR-12. They were all created specifically for the Super Dictionary.

I figure Conjura is a time traveler and a magic user, whatever she is we most likely will never find out if DC Comics stays true to form. And with Geoff Johns in charge I don't expect to see meaningful diversity any time soon.

That's because Kor was destroyed during Doctor Mist's big battle with Felix Faust, you won't ever hear from them again. Speaking of Kor, in one of Doctor Mist's origins he picked up the entire city of Kor and threw it at Felix Faust, catapulting it into another dimension. Sounds a lot like Tyroc's lost city of Marzal doesn't it?

Ah yes the Comic Crusader Storybook, I wonder how many people have even seen one of these little gems? The Storybook is an indy comics compilation published by Martin Greim the creator of Thunder Bunny.

Anyway White Raven stood as a forgotten blackspoitation heroine featured in her own short black and white tale within the Storybook.

Of course in the grand tradition of John Byrne's less than seminal OMAC mini-series, and self titled Next Men, the black heroine known as White Raven (ha ha ha) is an ex-prostitute with a heart of gold.

Update: La magie dans l'inversion has become Obscuralia eight.